son versus teacher, round 98

So I have a six-year-old son. Whipsmart. A little oppositional. Kind hearted. On the active side. Kind of a pain in the ass in the classroom I'm sure, because he's definitely a pain at home. But since he's my son and I recognize me and my husband in him, I love him madly. He is my sun.

He's been battling with his teacher this year. Which means we've been battling with his teacher this year.

There have been various incidents.

Like the time he led the other students into standing up all together in the middle of a heated discussion with his teacher...

Or the time he had a friend lift him up onto the tetherball so he would swing around the pole...

But what sends me over the edge, both as a parent and as an educator working in the field, is that she seems to think it's perfectly fine to use humiliation and degradation as a tool in her classroom.

And that it is allowed to happen.

Things like calling children stupid or sneaky or telling them to shut up don't sit well with me. So to that end I met with the principal a few weeks ago, after asking the teacher to implement a behavior plan with my child. Which she did for a sum total of five school days and then never did again. *sigh*

Anywhoo, the principal was, of course, profusely apologetic and assured me it would all be taken care of immediately.

Then he went to the hospital because there's something going on in the butt area (I know way too much about the staff members at that school--unforeseen hazard of PTA involvement).

So, this week, while I was taking a few days off from work with a younger chickenpoxed child, Gertrude's mother came to me and said she wanted to make sure I knew about a situation that had occurred on the previous Thursday.

uh, what situation?

Seems my young boy was playing sleeve slap fight with his little friend Gertrude in the classroom. I have not been able to figure out what part of the day this was, but it seems to have been during the first few minutes of class since he and Gertrude have already been separated in their seating assignments.

[side note; son and Gertrude are good friends, very similar in their activity levels and energy]

Anyway, son's teacher asked son if he had hit Gertrude. Son said he had not. Son's teacher asked Gertrude if son had hit Gertrude. Gertrude affirmed that he had. Teacher then announced to the class that son was suspended from school and escorted him to the school office, where he apparently spent the entire morning but was not spoken to by anyone. He returned to class at lunch time.

As Gertrude relayed this story to her mother that evening, she noted that son had not really hit her though, not realizing the implication behind this statement. Gertrude's mother took that as a teaching moment with poor Gertrude, who now feels terribly about the whole situation and is very cutely making up for it by taking son to a karate party this evening. Gertrude's mother felt the best remedy was to tell me the whole story (thank you, since nobody at the school seemed to think I needed any notification!), to do with what I saw fit. Gertrude's mother is also a teacher, so we both understand the implications behind this--it is illegal for the school to have disciplined my child in this fashion without having notified his parents in any way.

And let's not even get into the fact that he was disciplined for something that did not actually occur...

So I sent my henchman husband in to deal with recalcitrant teacher.

And they went toe-to-toe. Shouting. Implying. Inferring. Both unapologetically livid and defiant, from the way he relayed the story. I think his exact words were, "If she'd been a man, I would have kicked her ass. Why did you send me over there?"

For that exact reason. I needed her to unequivocally understand that it is simply unacceptable to humiliate and degrade my child, and to do so is to risk everything.

And then I went to make nice this morning with the assistant principal. But not very nice. One thing my husband asked the teacher was, "Do I need to remove my son from your classroom?" And I told Jekyll [I privately refer to the principal and asst. principal as Hekyll and Jekyll--in a loving way, of course] the whole story "I'm so sorry LB, I was not informed that he'd been suspended..." and reiterated the question. "Do I need to remove my son from the school for the rest of the year or can you assure me that he will be emotionally safe?"

The thing is, I really like this school. I loved his kindergarten teacher (and he was no prince in that room either, but she is, erm, well the truth is that I stalk her and I would marry her if I had any lesbian tendencies whatsoever, but I don't so I leave it to stalking). I love the third grade group, the fourth grade group, the fifth grade group. I don't know the second grade group but I hear they're good and they've got his second grade teacher lined up for him already, who is roundly agreed (even by poor, stalked kindergarten teacher) to be a great match for him next year.

I just can't stand the first grade teachers, who seem to be the most bitter group of unfucked old biddies in the world.

Sorry. I know that's crass, but I do think that's really it. The PTA President even asked her husband to take one for the team with son's teacher (because that's what a good PTA President does), but he had to turn us down. That's why he's not invited to participate in our PTA parties.

So, suffice to say that son's teacher will be disciplined this afternoon. I guess I feel a little badly for her as a fellow professional, that's a terrible feeling.

You know, I expect that we'll have issues for many years to come. I have a prep school picked out for him when he hits high school and I'll begin sending him to their summer camps beginning next summer. Kids like my son are very difficult. I've been there but I was more covertly subversive with teachers and generally used my words to sting them (fourth grade, in response to my teacher commenting that he didn't think I liked him; "You're right, Mr. M. I don't like you. Clearly you don't understand children and I think you're probably not a very good teacher either." oops). My husband was more of the type that my son is. Openly rebellious. In your face oppositional. Messing with you just for his own amusement. But he runs cognitive circles around me, as I suspect our son will also someday do.

But humiliation and degradation should never be tools in the classroom setting.

And my son's teacher should be fired.