Teetering

always on the brink, trying never to show it...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

the break up

It finally happened. My boyfriend and I broke up today. I handed his key back to him, wished him luck and told him he could call my cell if he needed to. He asked, "What will I do without you? You're my confidante." I smiled encouragingly at him and gave him a hug. And I left.

*sigh*

That was beautiful, wasn't it? It really happened. Then I came home and announced at dinner that we'd broken up, which probably wasn't an entirely brilliant move since my kids hadn't known I had a boyfriend and were probably a little aghast and troubled by the idea that GB was sitting right there listening. He is my husband after all. But it's really okay with him. I started to talk about that once but that was the day I inadvertently pooped in my pants, and well, an almost 38 year old woman who defecates all over herself with no provocation simply takes blog priority, you know?

Anyway. Back to my boyfriend John. I first saw him years and years ago, probably eight or so of them ago, back when I worked at the school that, if my current school is second cousin school, this school is, oh I don't know what, but something even more removed than second cousin, that's for sure. But as I was saying...

I was sashaying through the office of that school--this was back before kids when I still sashayed places--and noticed a man and woman sitting together, clearly waiting to be interviewed. I thought that was interesting, you rarely see a package deal like that at a school interview. Plus the woman looked vaguely familiar to me, somehow school--like formative years school, not work school--related but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I let it go because it was just an interview and not like I worked with them yet.

And they both got hired. And at first I was confused because she kept looking familiar to me but had grown up a good 30 miles away from where I'd grown up and that's forever away when you're a kid and I was also confused because they did everything together, even eat out of the same salad bowls and almost seemed like a couple but I could swear he was gay and it was just so confusing. And I really liked them both. As people--I'm always a fan of fellow progressives. As teachers--spectacular, bilingual, love kids and their quirky ways, both very well educated.

And I knew I really loved my boyfriend when I learned which other district school he had come from--turned out he'd worked in the district and brought her over from their old district and transferred into our school with the caveat that he'd only come if she was hired--and I worked at that school too but couldn't quite put my finger on why I always felt creepy when I was at that school until he pointed out that it was like working in a cult. That was it! It was love except that he was taken. Plus me being married was also a bit of a sticky wicket. And I think I may have been pregnant too. Puts a damper on things. Still, I was pretty sure he was gay which makes it okay to have him as my boyfriend. Except that he wasn't then.

Then he moved on and into administration at Country Club school, which, you may recall, is not one I've worked at. And that was a little bit fun because his girlfriend--who, by then, I figured out is married with two of her own children, which just made me lean more toward it being okay to have him as my boyfriend--oh! and I'd also figured out that we went to the same college, only I was a senior when she was a freshman and I knew her because I'd worked in the dorm cafeteria and you see everybody when you work there! That was nice to figure that out--anyway, his girlfriend particularly enjoyed calling him at Country Club school because the secretaries always put her right through because they thought she was his mistress. Bwah-ha-ha-ha! But I digress.

So about three years ago he was moved into my teeny tiny school that I work at as the principal. This is the beloved younger sibling of Country Club school, Country Club Jr. And that was great. Because I ended up being his right hand gal because CC Jr. has no asst. principal, just me the psychologist. Plus since his mistress isn't there, he needed a confidante and guess who won the contest? That's right. Me! I got to be the new girlfriend and I am proud of it.

I wear it like a badge. I refer to him as my boyfriend John with close friends and colleagues. I take every single opportunity to sing his praises to the superintendent. Until he told me to shut my piehole because they were starting to look toward moving him permanently to the district office and he doesn't want that job because he prefers to be with the kids because he tutors them in the afternoons and never yells at the naughty little boys who are mostly just being little boys and he totally gets that and everybody loves him.

I love him.

And it turns out he is gay after all and has a partner and everything so it is completely acceptable to be his girlfriend and GB even refers to him as my boyfriend John. As in, "Your boyfriend John called. Something about a meeting tomorrow." That's right. I'm a wanted woman. I'm sashaying again.

But then I moved to second cousin school this school year and it's just too much and something has to give and I keep letting my boyfriend John down and, well, the rose has lost it's blush. So we needed to face facts and realize that it was time to go our separate ways. And now his other girlfriend has moved over to CC Jr. school, which is bittersweet for all of us since we've become a trio but John can't be as open with her now as he once was seeing as how he's her boss now. But I digress. This is really about me and my boyfriend John, not John and his first love Irma. So we started our long, drawn out break-up sometime in January and he just asked that I be careful how I replace myself. Plus he's moving to Florida as soon as he finishes his doctorate anyway because he's the guardian of the child of a good friend (I suppose she's his girlfriend too) who is terminally ill. So the breakup was coming sooner or later. But doesn't that just make you love him more?

So today I handed him my key except that it was the key to my office and not some other less socially acceptable key. I'll really miss my boyfriend John.

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